Friday, 30 November 2012

Stinky daddy

Catty-wretch! ...I was just minding my own business, rubbing my head on all chairs, walls, and doors, as I'd just come inside, when I realised I'd missed a spot near the back door.
After I'd suitably scented the walls near the back door, I saw a pair of daddy's paw-covers nearby and decided to sniff them....catty-eugh! What does daddy put on his lower-paws to make his paw-covers smell so bad?? They made all my fur go on end and I had to do catty head-shakes to get the smell out of my sensitive catty-nose.
My paws don't smell; I clean and gnaw them all the time. Daddy really needs to wash more.

Here is the nasty pair of paw covers:

I have a question too: why do humans put paw-covers on their lower paws? I know they don't have fur all over their feet, but I don't have any on my paw-pads and they don't get cold. Why can't humans step outside on their own paw-pads, without covers?

Anyway, I've had to go for a lie down to recover from the shock of smelling daddy's paw-covers.....

Thursday, 29 November 2012


It's so cold outside. I've decided to come in and snuggle up on the bed.

My little catty-nose is freezing though, does anyone have any tips for warming it up?

Wednesday, 28 November 2012


As a cat, it's absolutely vital to to sleep for at least three quarters of each day; how else are we supposed to look cute, save up energy for hunting / pouncing on pens, or get ready for some midnight prowling?

When we wake up though, we have to make sure that we are fully stretched out. This ensures our little catty-muscles are warmed up and that humans think we're even cuter, when they watch us :)
First, please let me say that there is absolutely no point in half-stretches or stretches that aren't exagerrated enough. These kinds of stretches are a waste.

I stretch my body parts in order, as do most cats, and here is my routine for perfect stretches;

-Start by standing up fully, and arching your back so that your fur stands on end.

-When your back is fully arched, start to lean forwards on your front paws.

-Lean completely forwards on your front paws, so it looks like you are bowing down.Stretch out the paws themselves, to reveal your claws (this way all of your little catty-toes get stretched too). Half-close your eyes for maximum cuteness.

-Stand up fully again and, leaning slightly forwards - nose over toes - start to extend your favoured back leg (I always start with my right one).

-Stretch your right leg as far back as it will go, sticking it out almost horizontally, off the floor.

-Do the same with your left leg.

-Finally, stroll off with catty-grace and elegance.

and those are my catty-stretch instructions :)



Tuesday, 27 November 2012

A frustrating day...

I have spent 20 catty-hours today watching, swishing my tail, twitching my whiskers... just for this one leaf to fall and be pounced on....

I hope it's still there tomorrow....

Sunday, 25 November 2012

A treat!

As I said yesterday, I had to get out for a bit. I did that this morning. First I had a little catty-boxing match with Lulu, then I got bored and went to wind up the stupid little dog of our new neighbours.

It's a yappy little thing, with a big fluffy fringe over it's eyes. I think it's a boy-dog, but it looks like a girl.
I did to it what the Magpies do to me; got close, by creeping up slowly, then ran away when it saw me. It's too slow and stupid to catch me, and even ran into the fence when I jumped over it. Silly dog.

Anyway, that wasn't my treat. I'd been inside for a few catty-hours when I saw something I haven't in weeks; an indoor spider.
I had to chase it for a bit, which included squeezing behind the sofa, but I got it in the end. Now my tail is swishing and I am happy. It was very crunchy and juicy. Yum!

Saturday, 24 November 2012

ooopsie again!

Catty-boredom got to me again unfortunately.

I've been indoors for 3 days now, as it's too wet and grey outside for me to want to move from my nice, warm, snugness.

The problem is, when I'm indoors for a bit I get an excess of catty-energy, and I have to get rid of it.
I spent lots of time, this morning, charging around the house chasing dust and shadows, and skidding on the floor. I think this confused daddy.

I carried on doing this - and even caught an imaginary mouse on the sofa - until I jumped onto a shelf and knocked something off, which smashed.
This scared me so much that I ran up a door, and stood at the top of it... then couldn't get down again. Daddy shouted 'Bruce!' as well :(

I managed to get down from the door and I think daddy forgave me, after I'd let him rub my tummy for a bit. I'm thinking I should go out tomorrow though...

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

S'wet out

....catty head-shakes all round. I'm like a drowned cat.

I was miaowing at the door for catty-hours for daddy to let me in. Then he started trying to wipe my paws. I don't like this, so I wriggled.

I was starving and ate a whole bowl of biscuits in one go!

I noticed that the hot things, that hang on the walls, weren't hot. I miaowed at daddy to make them hot, but he doesn't seem to understand this miaow yet: he only understands food miaow, attention miaow, let me outside miaow.
I will have to train him properly. In the meantime I just curled up on his lap and stopped him working for a bit :)

Monday, 19 November 2012

Butter paws...

...sorry daddy. I got a bit bored as there's no meeces outside and you were too busy to play with me.


I did try to put them back up, but my paws weren't built for that sort of thing :(

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Is it a bird?

Had a spot of trouble during the night. I was very very hungry and couldn't get daddy to wake up and feed me. I had to walk on his head for a bit. He woke up in the end and fed me, but it was a close call.
Silly daddy went back to sleep again though, and I still needed him to let me out for a wee, and some exploring, so I had to wake him up again.

Anyway, once he did that I went out fexploring for quite a while and have only just come back for breakfast.
I have seen things in the sky though that I've often wondered about. They're like birds, but their wings are much straighter and don't move. Strange white stuff seems to come out of their bums as they fly. They seem to fly much higher than birds too.

I'd love to catch one, one day, but I've never seen them land in a garden. I'll have to just keep and eye out and hope I get to pounce on one...

Friday, 16 November 2012

Crouching cat, hidden Sparrow

Something very strange is going on. I've seen it before, but it's still weird. There's this  whispy stuff all over the place; kind of like clouds, but on the floor.

It makes hunting an interesting experience. Sometimes my sleek, little, black and white body is hidden, sometimes it can be seen by the animals I hunt.

I was stalking a Sparrow this morning and, after my initial catty-chatters, I decided to have a real go at catching it. This was really hard though.
The whispy stuff would drift across, hiding me, then drift away again, causing me to crouch down or slip behind a tree.
The whispy stuff would also hide the Sparrow from my view sometimes. When it cleared the Sparrow had often hopped to another place.

After a while I got a bit fed up with the vanishing Sparrow and just ran out at it, claws stretched... but it flew up into the sky and I missed it.
Obviously I had to pretend I didn't want to catch it in the first place, so I started cleaning my bib.

I hope this whispy stuff clears soon. I don't like it.

Thursday, 15 November 2012

This cushion smells nice....

Today it is cold and meeceless, and the heating is on indoors.

I do not wish do be disturbed...

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Bright and Shiny

Today I have spent lots of time sitting down and blinking at the sun.

I quite like blinking at the sun. I think humans would be happier if they spent more time doing this.

I am now going to sniff some leaves that have gathered at the bottom of my garden. I don't expect to find meeces, but maybe a woodlouse or two, as a small treat :)

*Here is that sun, at which I blinked.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

My drinking problem

I've just been out on a little hunt. It's great that it's getting dark earlier in the day, as my prey can't see me as well and I have very good eyesight, but it's also frustrating as there's less and less of my prey about; no meeces, less squirrels, and less birdies :(

I also had a good play fight with Frederic. He's quite strong, but I'm much quicker than him as he's so fluffy.

Anyway, I got to thinking; it's quite difficult, as a cat, to have a good drink.
I've seen daddy drink, by pouring water into his mouth. I wish I could do this, but I can only lap at water with my tongue.
Sometimes I try to suck water into my little catty-mouth, from my bowl, but it doesn't work.
Very annoying.

In my territory there is a house that has a big puddle at the front, with lots of fish in. I often drink from this, but again can only lap at it. Sometimes I just want to take a big gulp.
The fish in there are very tempting, but I don't want to fall in trying to catch one.
I prefer my fish served to me, in gravy, in a bowl. Tuna is my favourite.

I'd love to catch a Tuna myself, but apparently they live in even bigger puddles called 'sea'.
One day I'll catch one, I'm sure...

*mmmm, big drinking bowl...

Monday, 12 November 2012

Cleaning and tidying

I'm sure I've said this before, but how do humans stay clean? I've seen daddy stand under something that sprays water, but only once a day from what I can remember.

Surely humans can't wash just once per day? And why don't humans use their tongues? This is a very efficient method of cleaning and ensures that you smell of your last meal all day.

I have just had to spend 5 minutes cleaning daddy, as he wasn't up to my standard of grooming.

I also had a bit of a panic this morning. I found a corner of a room that didn't smell of me at all. How am I supposed to own my home if it doesn't smell of me?
I had to spend 10 minutes rubbing my head against everything until it was suitable scented with Bruceness.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some biscuits to attend to...

Sunday, 11 November 2012


I was having a lovely nap, and dreaming of an endless ball of wool, when daddy started shouting and woke me up :(.

I opened my little catty-eyes and saw that he was watching lots of male humans running around, after a ball, in a really big garden. This wasn't a normal garden though; there were no trees or anything, except grass. There were lots of weird white lines all over it too, and there were no fences, just thousands of humans all around it. I didn't like this; I wouldn't be happy if there were that many other cats in my territory.

Daddy kept shouting at the humans, which kept me awake and hurt my poor catty-ears.
I got fed up and went into another room, but was now wide awake.

I have now decided to chase a pen, but can't decide which one....

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Happiness is...

...clean sheets! Oh, how I love clean sheets!

I shall now be enjoying these for a while...Purrrrrrrrr!

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

I don't know if you know this, but... cats have a favoured paw, and even a favoured claw, when pouncing.

I have watched daddy, and other humans, when they are eating (in case they drop food) or doing other humany things, and they always seem to use one upper-paw more than the other. Daddy uses his right upper-paw more than his left one.
Cats are similar. Just like daddy, I'm right-pawed. If I swat anything -whether it be a shoelace or a mouse- or if I tap it, to see what it is, I always lead with my right paw first.
If I need to use my left paw (or I've found something to be safe using my right paw) then I use it too.
If I'm really enjoying a game with daddy, by attacking a shoelace or a wire, I will then go for it with both paws and maybe grab at it, to bite it.

When I'm pouncing on things while hunting outside, I'll always use both paws, but lead with my right paw; this is the one that will come down on a mouse, bird, or frog first.

Us cats go one further than this though; we also have a favoured claw (or 'lead') on our favoured paw. This is usually the middle claw, but I prefer my claw just to the right of my middle one.
This claw will be the first one out, as I pounce on something, closely followed by the others.
I make sure that I pay special attention to this claw when I sharpen it on my favourite sharpening tree.

So, there you have it humans, something you might not have known; cats have a favoured paw and claw.
Watch out for your cat next time it pounces and you'll see what I mean ...

*Below is a picture of my 'lead' paw, with a little bit of my back paw showing.


Monday, 5 November 2012

Thank you Frederic's daddy!

I've had so much fun this morning that I forgot to have my mid-morning nap!

Frederic's daddy decided to sweep up all of the leaves, in Frederic's garden, into a big pile.

Firstly, the pile was all different colours; red, yellow, purple, brown, orange.
Secondly, it was huge! There could well have been hidden meeces, squirrels, or sparrows under there.

Lulu and Tinkerbell joined me and we started off by running into the bottom of the pile, as far in as we could go, just to see if there were any surprises there.
Then we switched to pouncing practice, on the middle of the pile. I thought I'd found something, and got excited, but it was just Lulu's paw.
After that we tried the biggest possible catty-leaps into the top of the pile. Tinkerbell got stuck, with her bum and tail poking out. Lulu and I found this funny, but Tinkerbell wasn't amused and had to spend quite a while cleaning her face with her paw.

We didn't find any treasure in the pile in the end, but it was great fun looking.
Frederic sat near the pile, and watched us, unamused. He had just been brushed by his mummy, so was not going to venture into the leaves with us.

When I got home, daddy picked me up and tried to cuddle me, even though he knows I don't like this. He made a sound like 'poo, you smell funny... and why are you all wet...'
I squirmed out of his arms, then miaowed loudly until he fed me.
Then I purred for a bit and caught up on my napping.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Loud Noises

That time has come again, when humans have lots of fiery things in their gardens; the things that make really loud noises and hurt my sensitive catty-ears :(

I was outside for quite a while last night, as daddy wasn't home, and kept having to run from garden to garden when I heard the noises. My catty-instinct always tells me to run, as it might be a big scary animal chasing me.
I did try hiding under lots of things, but could still hear all of the bangs and whistles, so that didn't help. It made my ears twitch so much that they started to itch and I had to scratch them with my back legs.

By the time daddy got home I was very upset, and miaowed at the door as loud as I could to be let in. Luckily daddy heard me above all of the bangs.
Daddy put some food out for me, which made me happier, but I still kept jumping while eating as the noises could still be heard indoors :(

After I'd eaten I went to curl up next to daddy, on the sofa, as he was warm and I knew I'd get some attention.
I tried to sleep, but my catty-senses were on full alert, with all of the noises outside, and my catty-ears were twitching and turning like mad. I did fall asleep here and there, but kept getting woken up, with a jump.

Daddy tried to keep me calm and didn't even get angry when I accidentally ate some of his dinner.

I hope these fiery things aren't around for too long. I really don't like them.
Think I might stay in tonight.

Friday, 2 November 2012


Daddy has been out today, and I have been indoors. He doesn't usually leave all doors, to different rooms, open when he goes out, but he did today.
Because of this my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to do a bit of exploring.

Firstly I ran, then slid, into the room where daddy makes his food (I think daddy thinks there's a complicated reason why cats run and slide across floors, but actually we just do it because it's fun).
I jumped up on one surface where there were two clear plastic things, one containing white grains, the other containing black grains. I sniffed the one with white grains in, then licked it.
I recognised it. It was salt. I like things that taste of this. Sometimes daddy eats a bag of flat crunchy things, covered in salt. If he leaves them lying around, and I smell them, then I go over and lick the bag and all of the flat, crunchy things, if I can get to them.
I didn't recognise the black grains in the other clear, plastic container. I sniffed it and it made me catty-choo lots and lots. I didn't like this, so I didn't lick it. Daddy might have to give the container a wipe.

I jumped down from this surface and up onto another one. There was a plant on it with a label that said 'Basil'. I sniffed it and it had a very strong smell. I decided to bite and chew it. It tasted horrible, so I spat it back out.

I went into another room with a long, wooden thing in it that I've heard daddy call a 'table'.
It had some kind of cloth on it. I wanted to see what was on this table, so I jumped up, but as my paws grabbed at the cloth it all slipped off the table, and I fell back to the floor with it.
I wasn't very happy about this, but did a little catty head-shake and was okay.

I thought I'd try a different room, the one with a bed in (but not the one daddy sleeps in / my bed). There are lots of things piled on this bed, so I had fun sniffing and exploring. There was something that looked like one of the sheep I'd seen in a field, but made of plastic. I swatted it a bit, then it made a 'fsssss' noise and became flat. I didn't understand this, so turned my attention to some wires, sticking out of a box, which I practiced pouncing on.
After a while I spotted a shelf that I hadn't been on before. It had a really good view of the garden and any birds that might be outside. I spotted some Sparrows and started catty-chattering at them. I got very excited and my tail started swishing. This made me knock some things off the shelf which smashed on the floor. The smashing sound made me jump, in fright, and knock more things off of the shelf.

I ran onto my usual bed, a bit scared, licked my paws, then fell asleep.

When daddy came in he seemed unhappy and shouted 'Bruce', so I just pretended to be really deep in sleep.