Sunday, 20 January 2013

Brucey's discerning palate

I think most people pander to their pets' every whim. This is certainly true with cats (the old adage about cats having servants is fair), and Bruce was no different. He started on Felix cat food, which is pretty bog standard, and was tried on lots of different things, including Asda's own brand. Somewhere down the line, he was presented with Perle 'Gourmet' cat food, in gravy: this is the posh stuff.
Unfortunately, once we'd given him that he didn't want anything else. People say 'it's a cat, it'll eat what it's given' or 'if you make it hungry enough, it won't be fussy'. It doesn't quite work like that. A cat can sniff at what you put out, then walk away from it, for several days. In this time you waste money on a weeks' worth of cat food. Cats are also cheeky sods. If you can't provide the food they want, they'll find it elsewhere i.e they'll pop into one of your neighbours, rub up against their legs, and get fed bits of chicken.

However, despite his posh tastes, Bruce also had a penchant for several things that - like him - were a bit odd:

Marmite: One Saturday morning I made myself some toast slathered in Marmite (Bloody love the stuff!). I popped my plate onto the bed as I quickly went to the toilet. By the time I came back into the bedroom, Bruce had jumped onto the bed, licked one slice of toast clean of Marmite, and had started on the other. He was in catty-ecstacy, closing his eyes as he ruined my breakfast! From that moment on, I often gave him a treat; a little bit of marmite on a teaspoon.

Chocolate cake: My ex and I had some friends round, and had all (luckily) just eaten some chocolate cake, which we then left in the kitchen with some foil over it. About five minutes later, I popped into the kitchen to find that Bruce had nudged the foil off the cake, and was busily licking all the chocolate icing.

Salt & vinegar crisps: I was doing some work on my laptop and was eating some crisps to stave off hunger/boredom. Bruce was, apparently, asleep next to me. I was holding a crisp in my hand, while I typed with my other hand, when I felt that crisp being nudged. I looked over to see Bruce licking all of the coating off it. Out of curiosity I opened out the bag and put it next to him. He proceeded to lick the coating off every single crisp. Nice!

Pesto: Told you he was a posh cat! I'd had a bowl of pasta, with some pesto on. I left the bowl on the coffee table, and sat back to watch the TV. The bowl still had some pesto round the edges. In struts Bruce, who I thought was coming to me for some attention. But no: he waltzed past me, jumped onto the coffee table, and started lapping up the remaining pesto.

Wasps: I can only assume that he never got stung, or he wouldn't have continued with this habit, but Bruce loved nothing more than catching wasps, then eating them... weirdo!

Puddle Water: I guess it's not that unusual for cats to drink puddle water, but it is very frustrating! You could put the freshest of fresh water out for Bruce (I even poured him out some Evian once, just as a test), but he'd still rather go out and drink from a puddle in a plant pot.

The blinds in the lounge, in my old flat: For reasons known only to himself, Bruce took a fancy to the wooden blinds. I can't imagine that they tasted that good, but he would happily gnaw at the ends of them. It didn't matter how many times he was taken away from them, he'd just go straight back there. In the end we had to replace the blinds with new ones, made of cloth. Thankfully he didn't find these tasty.

My right arm: If I was patting or stroking any part of Bruce, other than the top of his head, he would reciprocate by licking my right arm clean (in the cat sense), from my fingers to my elbow. I have no idea why, but he didn't seem to like the taste of my left arm. He seemed to really enjoy doing this, so I let him; didn't want to ruin his fun :)

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